Queen Athena has embarked on a new mission: to get a life. This is because the little thought pebbles rolling around in her brain are starting to echo. For example:
Doggie Dog thinks about: food, walk, food, walk, food, walk, food.
Queen Athena thinks about: food, walk, food, walk, food, walk, food.
Dr. Science thinks about: baseball, brains, Chuck, damn politicians, books, coffeecoffeecoffee, Ben Webster, calamities that might swallow the earth.
Conclusion: Time to blow the dust off Ye Oldie Resume and sound my barbaric yawp.
Queen Máxima of the Netherlands
If you’ve seen a normal queen, then you know a normal crown isn’t normally made of tin foil. But that’s not all. When normal queens are crown-free, they wear hats, and while some of those hats defy good sense, good taste, or even gravity, they are also not made of tin foil.
BUT … Queen Athena is not a normal queen. For one thing, gravity is definitely having a downward effect on her hats, as well as … other stuff. For another, she has never been described as having good taste, and only rarely as having good sense.
This is why it was important to find a crown that would be perky (despite gravity), and also not show dirt (hooray for good sense). As for good taste, I have none, so the choice was obvious: tin foil. And – bonus! – I no longer have to worry about alien tractor beams or electro-magnetic radiation giving me head cancer.
Back in Ye Oldie Days, our post-breakfast routine included a thorough hand-washing. Sticky maple syrup was only one reason, and that was only on Sundays, when Dr. Science (aka the Royal Consort) made pancakes.*
Every other day of the week it was fingers smudged with newspaper ink that ended up under the faucet. Back then, we hated newspaper ink. Back then, we held newspapers by the ink-free edges. Back then, we shook our fists against scientists who could send a man to the moon but not invent ink that blah blah blah.
Now we are proud to be part of the dwindling (and perhaps only) print subscribers in our city. Our ink-smudged fingers are a gray badge of honor. Even the kitties ignore their ink-smudged paws.
Why? Dr. Science says Sports. Never mind that he watched the game the night before, that he can look up the box score on the web. He likes reading the sports section with breakfast. The Prince likes the comics. And I like the headlines. Plus? There’s something cozy about sharing a newspaper between the three of us. Sometimes we talk and laugh about what we’re reading. Other times we read silently. But we always leave for work and school the same way: with smudged fingers, each of us carrying a reminder of how we started the day, as a family, sharing the paper together.
* Scientific pancakes are in the shape of letters, sometimes spelling out short words. Go ahead. Try to make a pancake that spells CAT.
Long, long ago in a galaxy far, far away, Queen Athena was a reluctant part of the nightclub scene. Pixie cuts had given way to big hair, and mine was the biggest. So big, in fact, that drunk men would bury their hands in it and use it to tie me to a pole in a subway car. (Okay, that only happened once, but STILL.)
Between the big hair, the Maple Sugar lipstick, and the simple fact that I had lady parts, it made sense to have a “bar name” that I could give to drunk men who might possibly want to tie me to a subway pole. I considered “Cynthia,” with the optional “Sin for short” if the opportunity seemed interesting. That seemed highly unlikely, so I chose the more popular and easy to spell “Lisa.”*
Fast forward three decades. I no longer have big hair, and I don’t hang out with drunk men (much). But I’m still “Lisa.” It’s my Starbucks name. My pizza delivery name. My take-out Thai name. I have used “Lisa” so much and for so long that I answer to it when someone yells it in a crowd. But it’s not who I am.
I say this to make myself feel better. The name “Queen Athena” will grow on me, especially if I use it for long and because it’s so fun to say. (Go ahead! Try it!) But when it comes to blogging, I’ll always be MomBrain at heart.
* I also used the phone number 867-5309 and NOT ONCE did anyone raise an eyebrow. Maybe they were too drunk.