Things are about to get ugly at the Temple of Queen Athena. According to my Official Triathlon Training Plan, I should be able to swim four laps in a pool by now. The problem is I cannot swim even a quarter of one lap. This is because I cannot swim. Also I have the cardio fitness of a peanut.
Lucky for me my old running partner is also a former swimming instructor. She’s already seen my body parts jiggle in alarming and unnatural ways. She’s heard me wheeze and gasp for air. She knows I’m painfully slow. So we can skip all the self-conscious apologies and get right to the jiggling, wheezing, and gasping.
Even so, I’m nervous about it. I’ve never been comfortable in the water. And although my friend loves me jiggles and all, the rest of the world will stare at the extremely white lady in the giant purple swimsuit who’s floating like an enormous bouyant eggplant. Let’s face it: just showing up is incredibly hard. So yay me, even if I am a rotund floating vegetable.
But you can float!! You’ll be fine. (Getting non-swimmers to float is a huge challenge, more so when they are adults. And being a floater makes everything easier in the water – except picking things off the bottom of the pool.)
Showing up is hard. But try to remember that the rest of the world is too busy thinking you’re staring at their dimpled thighs and jiggly butt to really be staring at you. People worth knowing will cheer you on and say “good for you” for baring a lot and getting in the water. For the rest, consider this a really efficient way of finding out who isn’t worth your time.
The last time I attempted this ‘swimming laps’ thing, I had the same dread and the same poor swimming. But I got one heck of a work out every time I swam my half lap (while everyone else managed two full laps in the same amount of time). And after I figured out how to stop being embarrassed and apologizing for being such a poor swimmer, I discovered that I was VERY proud of myself. Skip the first part and move immediately to proud. Now go get wet!
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